


Snowdrop

by Angelscythe



Series: Crocuses and Snowdrops [1]
Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Gen, M/M, Past Abuse, Slow Burn, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-01
Updated: 2020-03-07
Packaged: 2021-02-27 23:27:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 20,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22974010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Angelscythe/pseuds/Angelscythe
Summary: Sylvain José Gautier, the bearer of the Crest of Gautier. The Child waited since so long by the Margrave Gautier.Sylvain hates his Crest, hates his life and sometimes... He just wonder why he is still there. With his life and his Crest.If there weren't his friends, perhaps...
Relationships: Felix Hugo Fraldarius & Sylvain Jose Gautier, Felix Hugo Fraldarius/Sylvain Jose Gautier, Ingrid Brandl Galatea & Sylvain Jose Gautier, Sylvain Jose Gautier & Miklan
Series: Crocuses and Snowdrops [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1650976
Comments: 4
Kudos: 37





	1. The Heir of Gautier

**Author's Note:**

> Hi y'all!!  
> I did my best for the Sylvain Week!! I love Sylvain so much and it has been such a challenge to go through this introspection of him and how I truly see him?  
> I often use those elements in the background on my fics but I wanted something a bit more around it.  
> I made it the mirror of my Felix week (Crocus) so you can read it to have more elements but it's not forced at all!
> 
> Also, I have dislexia and english isn't my first language so I hope this isn't too much a mess...

One scream.

A second echoed with it and they swirled in the cold room.

The red hairs of the lady were spread on the pillow and she breathed loudly. Tears were rolling on her cheek. She saw a hand moving. She hoped to receive a caress, a bit of tenderness. But he gave none to her, moving away already.

A hand landed on her, though. She turned her head covered with sweat to see the little face of her ten year old boy. He was smiling and she caressed his fluffy hair.

“Congratulations mother! Congratulations!! The baby looks so cute!”

She hadn’t even got the chance to saw them to be fair.

“How will you call the baby?” the child asked.

“If it’s a girl… Azélie, like my sister.” It was already a name she had chosen when she was pregnant from her first baby. But now that her sister was in the Empire, it was even more important. “If it’s a boy, Alexis.”

“He has a Crest!!”

Mother and son turned their head toward the man who was watching his baby as he had been put down in the basket above the Crest Detector.

The man took the child and lift it in the air, not caring much about his screams and his red face, smiling widely.

“My son bears the Crest of Gautier!! To thank the Goddess after all the disappointment we went through, I shall name it as the very first of us… Sylvain!”

“My love, we said…”

“Sylvain José Gautier!”

“Oh my… The Goddess just blessed my eyes. I thought I was seeing but I was blind and now… now, I see for real. Even though I’m not sure I can handle such a beautiful view more than a few seconds.”

“Sylvain! It’s me!”

“I know!”

Sylvain jumped from the little wall he was sit on and dashed toward Felix Hugo Fraldarius, lifting him to make him swirl in the air. Felix burst into laugh, holding out his arms. As if he was flying.

“If you let him fall, I will destroy you, Sylvain José Gautier!” Glenn threatened.

“Make it fall,” Miklan groaned, just next to him.

Sylvain swirled once more and grabbed Felix to throw him in Glenn’s arms who caught him back, pressing kisses on his cheeks. Felix laughed, his head dizzy. Sylvain stepped backward and leaned his back against the little wall.

“Nice to see both of you. What are you doing?”

Miklan watched him with hatred. Hated seeing his wink that way.

“I’m surprised to see you there, you cockroach. How have you left that well?” he smirked, cold and dark.

He didn’t care if people knew he was trying to kill his brother. Everybody knew it. Glenn tried to ease him all the time but he could do nothing. There was ten years of hatred in this wide body and the problem was that a kid was suffering it… Being around Miklan most of the time was the only thing he could really do to prevent an accident.

But he couldn’t totally.

That was like that Sylvain had been throw in a well, like that he had been locked in a closet, that way a herd of bulls had been unleashed on him. Miklan always groaned, saying the hand of the Goddess had saved this child.

Sylvain wasn’t thinking the same.

And while Glenn was doing his best he still wondered how the hell Miklan managed to roll his brother in the jam before throwing him in the mud of the pork.

But if it was the only thing…

“Miklan,” Glenn groaned. “ _I_ took him away from there!”

“Sometimes, you really are a bother. I wish you would die too!”

“Glenn will never die!” Felix protested.

“Well listen…” Miklan smiled.

“Leave him alone,” Sylvain groaned. “You can insult me or piss me off as much as you want but you leave Felix alone!”

Miklan’s lips turned into a darker smile.

“Don’t touch him, Miklan. I swear to Sothis!” Glenn put down his brother and took his hand. “I have to see father, come with me Felix.”

Miklan smiled to his brother.

“Miklan, you come too!” Glenn commanded.

“But…”

“You come!”

Though Glenn was younger, there was something in his eyes, his tone, that forced Miklan to move after him. He threw a glare at Sylvain. In his eyes, you could see what his little brother already knew: there won’t be always someone to protect you.

Of course.

Sylvain was living a sad existence when he was running between the hate of his brother and the expectation of his father. He was supposed to take back the name of the Gautier… His father was the first heir of the domain but only because among his seven siblings, he had been the only one with a Crest. Legends said some of his siblings had died at young age. Only Miklan had been strong enough to survive through the lack of love.

But… Sylvain wasn’t sure he received more love. He was adulated, praised… not loved.

“Excuse me?”

Sylvain turned his head. He saw a young girl who smiled to him, her cheeks red. It wasn’t the first time he saw someone approaching him that way. The first time, he was just five year old. How happy he had been when that young girl started to lurk around him, trying to get his attention. He had been so happy when she asked him out. So happy to hang out with her. He would have done everything for her, for her love.

But…

It wasn’t love.

The day he realized she just wanted his name, his Crest, the day he realized she had been send by her father for them to have another life… something broke within him.

Well, to be exact… something cracked within him and, when he received numerous invitations, when he saw every girl wanting his attention for wrong reasons, there… that thing broke. His heart turned into ice.

The worst?

He had sensed that something wasn’t going alright. But someone loved him. Someone was looking him in the same way this one was staring him. He needed love. Just a bit of love… He would take any love at this moment. But now, with his heart withered… With his heart withered and that ability, he turned into Ingrid’s worst nightmare.

But if people wanted to use love against him, he wouldn’t let them do.

At the second he glanced at that young lady with red cheeks, he could sense what she expected from him. A wedding, a Crest baby… and perhaps she would make him disappear after that to rule on only mistress?

He didn’t care if she planned that or not. He knew he was a trophy.

A key for a better life.

He understood and on the same time… he couldn’t accept it.

He hated her.

It was the reason why he jumped down the tiny wall and came toward her, a smile on his lips. She was blushing even more and he leaned in, taking her hand to press a kiss on it.

“Hello, you. What kind of name a pretty girl like you can have?”

“Why Genevievre is leaving like that?!”

The door slammed open as Ingrid’s voice stormed in Sylvain’s bedroom. The teenage rubbed his face, spreading red on his cheeks. His friend didn’t even notice it, or pretended not to, perhaps?

“I threw her out, that’s all.”

“Sylvain!”

Ingrid, only eight years old and so tiny, was standing in the opening of the door and she was more frightening than any monster.

Not more frightening than his family but on the same time, it was hard. Though Sylvain would always pretend he wasn’t affected at all by all of this.

“Ingriiid?”

“You promised her a wedding! She told it to her family!”

“I know,” he smiled. “I hope she isn’t too sad.”

“You’re an asshole, Sylvain José Gautier!”

“You have a bad language. That’s sad, coming from a pretty lady!”

She folded her arms. He always said to her she was pretty when he tried to ease her out but he was only doing worst.

Perhaps he knew it?

Sylvain didn’t believe he deserved love. Not even from his friends… He deserved to be hated by Genevievre, even if she had tried to manipulate him. Conscious or not of what she was doing… He liked to play that game… the game of seeing love turning into hate.

At what moment he became such an awful being they couldn’t even imagine staying around him.

He was used to hate so it was fine to receive more and more of it.

“Sylvain, I swear I will make you behave! I can’t believe you had still not understand! How do you want anyone to trust you if you act that way?! Genevievre was so nice.”

“Perhaps! But I don’t care. You like me?”

“Sometimes, I don’t know,” she replied. She sighed and turned around. “Come. I swear to my father I would bring you to the Harvest Festival.”

Sylvain followed her without a second of hesitation. He wasn’t worry with her words. He was never worry around her because he always felt the truth in them. Whenever she was angry or happy. Sometimes, she really must hate him but he couldn’t reproach it to her. He was a monster…

He knew he will let Genevievre dream so he could break her heart. As for his heart… he didn’t even want to glance at the dust he was spreading around each time he was moving.

As they were walking through the corridors, Sylvain couldn’t stop throwing glance to servants around. Mostly ladies, but he wouldn’t prevent himself to do it for others if the occasion come. Especially if he found them pretty.

As they passed next to the forty years old cooker, Sylvain winking to her of course, Ingrid cracked a cold smile.

“How is your ass?”

“Pretty, thank, why?”

“I wondered because in your last letter, you said your father kicked it so hard,” she smiled.

Of course.

He had picked up so many flowers to bring them to young girl that his mother’s precious garden was now a sad mud, looking like just like the pork area. When his father had realized what he did, Sylvain felt it and now his butt was still pretty much red. But he could sit, at least!

“You are just jealous because I never gave you pretty flowers!”

“Of course,” she smirked.

As they arrived in the living room, she gasped. She bounced on place and dashed toward Glenn who grabbed her and lifted her with a big smile.

Sylvain glanced at his father who talked with Rodrigue Achille Fraldarius and their King. Without a second of hesitation, Glenn had stopped to care for them and only now it was just Ingrid with whom he talked happily. She had her cheeks all red.

And him…

Him, he watched Felix who was talking to Dimitri, his arms around the leg of his father.

He wanted to open his arms to invite him and make him swirl in the air like always. But Dimitri was there. Dimitri was Felix best friend…

It was strange because… he craved for hate, he always talked as if everything was alright but when hate hit him back sometimes… it was just so hurtful…

Or perhaps…

Perhaps it was because it wasn’t hate?

He was standing there in the opening and… nothing. No praise, no admiration, no hate… nothing. He was nothing…


	2. The Waltz of Hope

A Harvest Festival was always so full of joy, laugh and hope.

It was the time where the Nobles would merge with the commoners and they would have a great time all together, forgetting their difference.

It was the worst for Sylvain.

It was the tenth time and it promised to be as annoying as the others. He could remember the horror of the five others…

The three first, he was too young to really remember and when he was six… well Miklan hit him so violently with a shovel, he didn’t remember everything for the three days around that date. Still today, everything was so confuse.

“Sylvain José Gautier?”

Sylvain turned his head to see a girl smiling to him. She bowed in front of him with grace, the soft fabric of her skirt flying around in the light breeze.

“Would you grant me this dance?” she asked.

“You trained much for this, right?” he smiled.

The hand was held out toward him. Shaking now.

“Ju… just a bit?” she hiccupped.

“I would be delighted.”

“Ah!” she smiled happily.

He took her hand and made her swirl. As he did, they approached the dance area. Glenn was making dance Ingrid, her on his feet so she was tall enough for it. As for Felix, by the side of his brother, of course, he was dancing with Dimitri. Both were laughing, hugging each other in what was probably an ersatz of slow but looked like nothing really.

“Look! I found a date!”

“Don’t be nasty!” Ingrid said to Sylvain.

“I’m not nasty!” he protested.

The young girl let him make her swirl again, laughing. Perhaps a bit too loud. A bit too forced?

“What’s her name?” Dimitri asked.

Sylvain stayed mute. And not because Dimitri’s dance was… well, neither Dimitri or Felix was able to dance and they were just… giving the feelings? Really, it just looked as if they were hugging each other, swaying a bit and nothing else.

“Veronica!” she said with a smile.

“Nice. You are such a pretty flower and this name suits you so well!”

“Aaaaaaw!” she smiled.

“What we don’t have to hear,” Ingrid sighed.

Everybody was still dancing in the Harvest and it was funny to see Lambert, with a few drinks in the nose, dancing with everybody. Felix, Dimitri and Ingrid took their chance. Veronica too. And since that moment, he hadn’t seen her again.

So Sylvain was laying in the field.

There were hays everywhere and it was scratching his back since it’s passed through his clothes. His arms behind his head, he just watched the Moon that started to appear, the Stars wanting to show its nose.

When Veronica had wanted a dance, letting him there, he started to bee around. He found a guy, dressed like a girl, and started to hit on him. He found him pretty, the guy didn’t seem to want something from him so he preferred trying his luck with him. He noticed Ingrid’s look but didn’t care.

Though, the guy didn’t stay more and he just came in the hay, waiting.

As he was in the hay, waiting, expecting to be soon at home… or somewhere else perhaps, he noticed a flower along the hay. White, pure…

A burst of light in the night.

“If you want to see more, Dimitri said he noticed a whole field of those flowers!”

Sylvain looked up and smiled when he saw Felix.

“You’re done dancing?”

“Yes! Well… Dimitri is dancing with my father so!”

“Are they really dancing? Because Dimitri…”

“My father can dance so Dimitri just climbed on his feet!”

Felix held out his hand to Sylvain. Which grabbed it and got up. He stretched himself and winked to his young friend. Felix smiled to him and he swirled on himself and ran away. Sylvain quickly followed him. Together, they moved away from the fest, the sound of the music and people being amused vanishing as they did.

Sylvain knew it was bad. Their parents would worry but… he preferred to be away from this fest. Away from Veronica, away from Ingrid’s anger. Well, she was with Glenn so it was possible she would be eased, at least. Still, he didn’t want to take a hit. Especially after everything. Some would say he should be happy to get so many attention and the girls wanting his name were pretty! But on the other hand…

Sadly, Ingrid only saw his smile when he was hitting on girls and when he was pushing them away.

It was fine, thought, because he was like that. If girls wanted him, he wanted them too. He was dancing a macabre dance with them.

“You think you would dance with me too?” Sylvain asked to Felix.

They were in the dark now, stepping in the forest. The dome of foliage was cutting the path of light coming from the Moon and the Stars.

There, little lights came around, yes, but from the fireflies or animals eyes. It might be pretty scary but both were used to this. Well… Felix was used to hunt and Sylvain was used to worse.

“Me?” Felix wondered to Sylvain.

“Yup!”

“Okay!”

“Nice!”

Sylvain smiled through the darkness. Felix made appear like tiny lightning in his hands, allowing them to move toward a hole in the foliage. The moonlight was softly caressing a field of snowdrops and crocus intertwined. Both white. Gleaming like they have been created by the fairies themselves…

“Wow! Dimitri has found such a pretty place!”

“Right?”

Felix sat on the floor with care, not wanting to crush the flowers. The teenage sat with him, smiling tenderly. He moved his fingers to brush one of the petals.

“Glenn says snowdrops are a sign of hope and rebirth. But on the same time… it can be bad luck to see them, announcing death.”

Sylvain removed one of the little blooms and leaned over Felix, sliding it above his ear, adorning his hairs.

Somehow, he had the feeling it was quite for him. They hoped from him, too much… and while they saw the rebirth of the whole family in his face, he was nothing but a walking dead. Waiting for people to play with him. His parents, his brother, girls… He was just their puppet…

It was fine.

If someone he cared, loved, would agree to hold him tenderly…

“What about the other flower?”

“Crocus? It depends of their colors. It’s joy, often. Innocence and sincerity for the white, I think? I’m not so sure… But the yellow ask for attention, for being eased. The red one is fear… fear of what you are feeling. And the blue… fear, hope…”

“I want to see you in white crocus forever, Felix.” Sylvain leaned and started to pick flowers. “I’m not lying.”

“Why would I think you lie?”

“Everybody always think I lie. I know Dimitri is your best friend but… you are my best friend, Felix.”

“People can have a few best friends! I have Dimitri and Ingrid! Also Glenn. Because he is my brother but also my friend!” He leaned to kiss his cheek. “You are my best friend too!”

“Thank you, Felix!”

Sylvain smiled. He started to arrange the flowers together.

“Eh… you know… not wanting to bring bad luck or anything. Let says… as long as you are here, I want to be here too.”

“I don’t understand,” Felix said.

“I promise you to always be by your side. As long as you will life, I will life too. Until the very last day, the very last minute… the very last second.”

He closed his eyes. He wanted to see his face at the last moment.

“I swear it,” Felix replied. “Until the last second.”

“You do?”

“I do,” Felix smiled.

“But swear… Swear you will always be my sunshine, okay? You will always be pure, happy…”

“I will!”

Sylvain smiled and took the crown of flowers he made from the snowdrops and the crocuses.

He had no reasons to life but to be adored, praised, the flag of the Gautier. He had no reasons to life but please those wanting him to be what he wasn’t.

He wanted a reason to life.

A friend, someone he respected, _loved_ , that was a way better reason to life…


	3. Bruises

What was her name again?

He didn’t remember. He didn’t care…

She was undressing in front of him, showing her white and beautiful skin and he was offering to her view the slightly tanned one, showing the freckles and the bruises. She didn’t even notice those. She was too busy to moan his name.

His last name.

She was pushing her fingers in his hair, he was kissing her body.

He didn’t know her name, she didn’t know his.

He wanted to touch her heart, she wanted to touch his crest.

Sylvain leaned her in the bed, where he had leaned so many ladies he didn’t even care about…

She giggled when he pushed his hands between her tights and glanced down to his body as the last clothes had felt.

Soon.

He leaned above her, his breath caressing his hair and ear…

“Okay, it was fun. Now you can leave.”

“Leave?”

“Yes. Leave. You take your clothes and you leave my room, my home, my sight!”

“What are you… I thought you would…”

“Have sex with you? Do I look that stupid? If I fuck you, sweetheart, do you know how many chances there are for you to be pregnant? I don’t want you to bear my Crest baby. You won’t ascend the family. You can pursue your dream and search for a Crest bearer more stupid. Or do like the others whore that…”

_SLAP._

The violence hitting Sylvain was just a caress to him. He smiled to the lady who was only rage.

“You are a monster!”

“Yes.”

“How can you…”

“How can you?” he cut short. “You won’t gain anything if you bear one of my bastards. Now, get out.”

“You are an asshole!”

“Yep!”

He smiled to her and she moved away. Her eyes were filled with tears but he didn’t care. He didn’t care much more to see her running away with her clothes pasting against her body. He should be devastated for what he did to her? He knew what she wanted. Nothing more than his name, his Crest.

He hadn’t to respect someone like that.

He would never.

It happened occasion where he respected women because they didn’t see him as a trophy. He remembered that girl two years ago. He didn’t love her because his heart belonged to someone else but he liked her and he could have life with her. But… the truth was that she didn’t know who he was at the beginning. And when she had learned it, she changed. He felt the desire of more.

He couldn’t love her anymore.

He broke up with her but he hadn’t been that harsh.

He only wanted to make suffer those who deserved it. He didn’t want to allow anyone to break his heart. It was already in tiny pieces and he didn’t want to let those pieces vanish in the wind but…

He was sure some part of them had disappeared.

After all, he was laying there, in his bed, not caring about those tears he had seen. He had no emotions toward that.

He knew he would do that again tomorrow.

Tonight if he could.

“Sylvain!”

The door opened.

“OH SOTHIS!”

Sylvain couldn’t help laughing when he saw two hands covering brown eyes.

“Hey, hey, hey!” he smiled. He sat on the bed and tugged covers above his thighs. “What are you doing there?”

“I can’t come see my favorite cousin?” the voice replied with a little pout in it.

“Of course you can, Ferdinand Von Aegir. How do you do?”

“I was good until I saw you little you.”

“My little me!” Sylvain laughed. “What do you want? My little I and I are listening! I’m still surprised you crossed Fódlan to see _me_. Do I deserve that? Such a true noble presence!”

“Don’t be mean to me! You are too happy to see me!”

“Of course I am. And you can uncover your eyes, you know?” he added.

Ferdinand moved his hands from his eyes and watched his cousin. His cheeks were still a bit red and he noticed the bruises on his skin. Even some tiny scars… He approached him, sitting on the bed with him, making sink the mattress.

“So?” Sylvain asked, before pressing a kiss on his forehead.

“I will go to Garreg Mach! Lady Edelgard is going there and father wants me to go there too. No doubt I will show how strong I am!”

“Garreg Mach?”

“Yes! The Monastery of the Central Church of Seiros! I will study how to be a better Knight. Not that I’m not already good.” He smiled. “I wanted you to know! So you can send me letters to the right place!”

“Nice! I will, of course!”

“Would you want to come take care of the horses with me?”

“Sure.” Sylvain leaned toward him. “You should leave already because I need to change myself. I’m still naked.”

He winked at him.

Ferdinand blushed and jumped on his feet to move away.

“Join me in the stable!”

“Sure!”

Sylvain smiled and waited for the door to close before grabbing his clothes and putting them on. Strangely, he was better like that.

But maybe not strangely…

He wondered if Ferdinand met the girl he had lured. What would his cousin think about him?

There weren’t a lot of people he expected the respect or the love… Ferdinand was among them.

“Guess who is here!”

Ferdinand turned his head toward the entry of the stable and smiled to his cousin.

“Hello again.”

“Hello, hello! Ah! Your sweet Dandelion! If it’s isn’t the most beautiful mare I have never seen!” he said, walking toward the mare.

He pressed a kiss on the nose of the horse which pressed her head against him.

“Are you trying to steal my horse’s heart?”

“Noooo! She loves you more, don’t worry!”

Sylvain turned his head toward Ferdinand.

“Say…”

The words had an echo.

Sylvain and Ferdinand talked in the exact same time.

“You first!” Ferdinand invited, smiling.

“You think I can go to Garreg Mach?”

“It depends. Will you go there to hit on ladies?”

“Well! If there are pretty ladies, I won’t be rude and not tell them how beautiful they are. And if they want to pass a night with someone as gifted for the thing than me!”

“Sylvain!”

“Listen! Ladies wants me and I want them too! But that’s fine!”

“Sylvain…” Ferdinand sighed.

“Ingrid will probably be at Garreg Mach. She is in age, after all. You can be sure she would sigh ‘Sylvain’ that way.” Sylvain rubbed his hair. But if Ferdinand was in age, as well as Edelgard and so perhaps Ingrid, that meant… “Dimitri will be there too, right?”

“Probably,” Ferdinand replied. “I don’t know for sure.”

“I could come then! What do you think? We would be together!”

“I like the idea!” his cousin smiled.

Dandelion moved and bumped in Sylvain’s cheek. Which smiled and took tools so he could take care of the horse. He knew how to do and loved changing the horseshoe, grooming the pet. Just… forgetting perhaps?

She moved a little. Dandelion was a nice and sweet mare but there, as he was removing mud and earth in her horseshoe, she was nervous.

Or perhaps… Sylvain was nervous and she could sense it?

“I wanted to ask you something too,” Ferdinand reminded.

“Yes?”

“I saw your body…”

“You little pervert!” Sylvain laughed.

The young Duke blushed. “But no! No! I mean… I saw the bruises.”

Sylvain’s hand ripped.

In a second, Dandelion whined, reared and the second after, Sylvain hit a huge pillar of the stable.

“Sylvain!”

Ferdinand grabbed Dandelion’s reins in his hands, soothing her so he could fall next to his cousin.

Who was laughing.

“Wow! That’s gonna be a bruise! You can bet it!”

“Can you stop laughing about it?!” Ferdinand protested.

His face bore a worry look but Sylvain continued to laugh.

“Don’t worry, Ferdie. I’m tough! And don’t worry for those bruises! It’s just… you know, Miklan. He loves you to Sreng and back but me…”

Ferdinand pinched his lips.

“Well… Miklan got my ass and your darling.”

Sylvain got up with difficulties. Ferdinand moved his hands to ask him not to but it was too late. Not caring much, Sylvain approached the mare and pressed his lips on her nose. Was it ironic that he would be angrier against the ladies who would have might done that to him, by mistake or not… But the horse? Of course he didn’t care. Of course he forgave her. Why would he be angry against a beautiful mare like her?

“So.” He pressed another kiss against the horse’s nose. She didn’t look angry against him and even let him do, rubbing softly her cheek against him. “You think I can go to Garreg Mach too? It would be so nice to hang out with you!”

“But we wouldn’t be on the same class,” Ferdinand noticed.

“We wouldn’t but nothing would prevent us to make lot of hugs!” he winked.

“Well… Yes. And I must say, I’d be happy to have you around! You and I, we will be so beautiful at Garreg Mach!!! We will be the finest of them all!!”

Sylvain laughed.

“We will! We absolutely will!! You and I, destroying some hearts because we are True sexy Noble!”

“I don’t think we should destroy hearts?” Ferdinand replied with a face.

“Okay, you don’t because you’re too cute! And I… will have fun.”

“Sylvain…”

Sylvain pressed a kiss on his cheek and walked toward the opening of the stable.

“I swear, I will do my best to behave. You won’t be ashamed by me.”

“Very well…” Ferdinand replied.

He ran after him. His perfectly shaped brows were still frowned, though.

“You promise you will take care?”

“I promise! And you promise it as well?” Sylvain asked.

“I promise. But nothing will happen to me, you know. I’m a Ferdinand Von Aegir!”

Ferdinand noticed Sylvain’s lips moving to form ‘Ferdinand Von Aegir’ on the same time as him. He pouted and pushed him a little.

“Be nice!”

“I’m nice! The nicest!” Sylvain laughed. “Come on, Ferdie. I’m just teasing you! You know how much I love you.”

He blew him a kiss and winked before stepping out.

As no one could see him, as Ferdinand checked on Dandelion before following him, no one could notice how his face stopped to be bright and joyful. There was only coldness on his face, his traits looking suddenly so closed…


	4. The depth of the Well

Coming to Garreg Mach hadn’t been so annoying.

What annoyed the most Sylvain was the fact his parents sent him immediately to the Monastery and he had been alone for so long. No friends, no one to talk with… Even Ferdinand had needed weeks to come.

Each time those he loved came, he was so happy to be with them and care for them, hanging out, eating together…

He couldn’t wait to see them.

Honestly.

Even with pretty ladies around, he had felt no real joy for this last month.

One month.

One month to stay there alone… He couldn’t remember how many ladies he had hit on, here. How many slaps he received. Seteth told him twice to stop bringing girls in his room and one of them came back even if she said he was an asshole. She really wanted to have a child from him and he got even more joy to push her back, always. Playing with her was fun and he knew he already had a horrible reputation here.

Monks were watching him with bad eye, Rhea was always watching him as if he was the Devil in person…

But he didn’t care.

Especially since he had to wait for those he loved.

Ingrid had been so angry when she arrived. She hated the reputation he already managed to get, she hated that he cared for nothing, or seemed so. But the true… it was easier for him to be hated that way. Perhaps… Perhaps that was the reason his favorite person was Felix? Felix looked him as if he hated him, always…

But he loved every of his friends. Ingrid, Dimitri… They were so important for him.

He wanted to hug them, he wanted to tell them how much they were important to him and… he didn’t.

Because he was afraid.

Because… when he was walking around Garreg Mach, watching the landscape, he… his fingers could slide along the barrier following the bridge and he dreamed. He dreamed of just… jumping.

He didn’t believe he would be blissed that way by Felix’s presence, when he finally arrived at the Monastery as well.

But he had been.

He had loved just… holding him in his arms.

It gave him a feeling of life and on the other hand… the other side of his window still called his name.

But today… today, as Dimitri was talking about the mercenary that saved him, he didn’t feel very good. If he had lost Dimitri… He didn’t want to lose any of his friends! And he knew he was selfish… his acts, his words, his mind…

How could _they_ love him?

Perhaps he loved Felix, pressing his head on the desk of their classroom next to him, because he saw him as he was?

He only deserved hate, no?

“We thought it was over when we have been saved by a mercenary coming from nowhere,” Dimitri explained. “Their skill with a sword is absolutely gorgeous. I don’t remember having seen someone as skilled since the last time I saw my friend Glenn fight.”

“Can you sh…”

“But the important part!” Sylvain cut short, not letting Felix pursue. “Girl or boy? Boobs?”

Ingrid turned her head toward him, her eyes angry, throwing lightning.

“Sylvaiiiiin!”

He couldn’t avoid the book hitting him with strength as Ingrid swung it around. But it was worthy. He winked at Felix through his pain. And Felix watched him with so much hate. And this despite the fact he had tried to protect him. Them. It was hard for Ingrid and Felix to hear about Glenn while Dimitri needed it.

It was hard.

Sylvain would always listen to Dimitri but he didn’t want his others friends to suffer.

As Sylvain saw Felix getting up, he couldn’t help sending him a sad look. He was living into hatred but he wanted him to stay. If there was someone he wanted to do the things right with it was…

But Felix didn’t care.

Of course he didn’t care.

He just left.

And it was like a void blossoming in his stomach and sucking everything around.

When Rodrigue had wanted Felix to come at Garreg Mach, him and his father tried to use him because he was his best friend and he went against their plan. He asked Felix not to come. Somewhat, when Felix arrived, he believed it was for him. But it wasn’t.

No one wanted him.

They wanted… his name. They wanted his Crest but him?

No one cared for him…

He could cross the classes and go see Ferdinand, he wasn’t sure he would be more welcomed.

Why did he come here…?

“Is something wrong?”

Dimitri.

Sylvain looked up at him.

There was so much. And he refused to bother him… not even one second.

So he did what he always did… save the appearance, pretend, be charming.

“Felix doesn’t feel good, it’s nothing.”

“I will talk with him. “Rodrigue made a mistake, asking him to come here. Of course, this place isn’t for Felix.”

As he said this, Dimitri walked toward the doors.

“Wait!”

Sylvain jumped on his feet. He quickly looked at Ingrid, wanting to see if she would come with them, but she was talking with Ashe. They were talking book! And his heart fell so relieved suddenly. Seeing Ingrid having fun with someone, bonding, he couldn’t dream better.

If Dimitri had Dedue, if Ingrid had news friends, if Felix had someone in his life, perhaps…

He shook his head and just followed Dimitri outside. He knew Felix was a bit tense toward him and he didn’t want them to have a fight.

As they walked, searching after Felix, Sylvain couldn’t help but glance at Dimitri. He was wandering, not knowing where they should go. And him… his heart was screaming…

“The training room…”

Dimitri approved him. It was so evident. So clear. So he moved to the training room. Sylvain kept walking with him. They arrived quickly at the big room and Dimitri pushed open the door. Of course Sylvain was right and Felix was already training. His sword was flying around him.

You couldn’t approach him and at this point, Sylvain was pretty glad of it.

“We can’t approach him, let’s leave!”

“Felix!” Dimitri called.

“Ugh…” Sylvain sighed. “Of course if you’re doing that…”

Felix swirled on himself and immediately froze. “Step away! Your view is making me want to puke!” he shouted to Dimitri.

And his eyes turned toward Sylvain.

There was so much hatred in his look. Sylvain deserved it. And he raised up his hands because he had no other thing to do.

“I did nothing!”

“He told me where you were,” Dimitri pursued.

Oh great! Was Dimitri in his side or not?!

“… I hate you, Dimitri.”

“Yeah, we’re two,” Felix smirked. “Now, disappear.”

“I have to talk with you,” Dimitri protested.

“You… have to talk with me?” Felix repeated. He let out a cold laugh that passed along Sylvain’s spine. “Who said I wanted to talk with you?”

“Something is wrong with you. I don’t know what but I see it. I’m worrying for you and Glenn would like…”

“STOP TALKING ABOUT MY BROTHER!” Felix roared.

“Very well. Rodrigue would want you to be cheered up!”

“No! No! NO! Stop this! Stop trying to make talk people! You are doing it wrong! My father hates me! He would throw me out if that would allow him to claim you as his son! And Glenn would let me the fuck alone!”

“Felix!” Dimitri protested.

“What?! You want to make someone else talking when you understand nothing?!”

“Perhaps I can’t talk for Rodrigue but I know what Glenn believes. Or my father! They haunt me.”

Sylvain turned his head toward Dimitri. He heard the hiccup of Felix…

“What?”

“Dimitri, no,” Sylvain whispered.

He had to stop this…

And yet, in horror, he saw him approaching Felix. Land his hands on his shoulders…

“They haunt me every day, every second, Felix. I hear them asking me to avenge them. Find those who planned the whole Tragedy of Duscur and make them pay. As they ask me, I will torture _them_ until I would know the very truth and then, together, we will avenge Glenn, my father, my mother, our friends!” Dimitri explained. “You think I’m crazy but I’m not! Together we…”

“I… I don’t think you are crazy.”

Sylvain had his hand held out, not knowing how he could only tear them apart, knowing the strength Dimitri had.

But this sentence froze him. And the fact Felix was looking him right in the eyes. He hadn’t done that since so long.

He only deserved hate, he knew it, but this make thorns slide around his heart, tightening so violently.

“I think…”

Sylvain swallowed his hiccup as he heard Felix’s tone.

“I think you’re an awful Boar! A monster! Will you slaughter me for this statement?”

As the young Gautier tried to process everything, he saw his best friend take his sword and push it under Dimitri’s chin.

“I waited for this moment. I trained to kill you…”

“Felix!”

Sylvain ran to him, not caring about what would happen, he swirled around Felix, taking him and forcing him back pushing the blade away from the Prince.

“How dare you!” Felix screamed. “How dare you telling Glenn would beg for you to take away lives?! For the sole purpose of avenging?!”

Felix moved with so much violence, Sylvain had to use all his strength to hold him on place. And he was strong. Very strong. Stronger than Felix. And yet, he was slipping under his grasp.

“I kn…”

“No!” Sylvain screaming. “Leave!”

Sylvain felt a sting in his heart when he saw Dimitri’s eyes. Dimitri wanted him to believe him. And, to him, he was turning his back to him. But if Felix slipped from his grip, blood will stream on this ground. And no matter which blood it would be, this would be worst.

He didn’t want to lose any of them.

But… if he had to choose someone to calm down…

Perhaps he liked to hold Felix in his arms. Even if that dragged more hates and if he kept hitting the bruises on his body. Even if the thorns were closing around him like a greedy snake…

Or maybe…

If they fought, Felix would die?

Felix couldn’t win against Dimitri. And he couldn’t bear the idea of losing him.

Gladly, Dimitri still had some mind and he stepped away.

Sylvain closed even more his arms around Felix, forcing his muscles to hold him in place. He pressed his face against his neck, letting the feeling and the smell melt and jump on his face…

“Felix… It’s okay now. It’s over…”

“It’s over?!” Felix roared. “He insulted my brother! He is a monster! He will never stop! He will draw blood again and he…”

Felix pushed him away and dashed toward the door.

No!

Sylvain couldn’t let him attack Dimitri. He couldn’t let him do that! Felix was swift but he had longer legs. He ran after him, grabbing him by the waist before he could open the training room.

Felix bent forward.

“Ouch,” Sylvain let out when he heard the head hit against the door.

And then…

Felix puked.

“Fuck! Did you hit yourself that bad?” Sylvain panicked.

He moved his arm, letting go on him with just one so he could push away the dark blue locks. When he was sure Felix held himself, he moved his hand, caressing his back softly.

He never saw anyone like that…

Perhaps…

He could be like that, a bit of time ago. He remembered waking up at night and throwing up. But Felix…

“You feel better?” he asked softly. “I will wash this. Go sit down somew…” Felix’s ass crashed on Sylvain’s feet. “Uh, okay… As you prefer…”

“Do you believe him?” Felix whispered.

Oh no.

That was everything he wanted to avoid.

He was trapped. In every way. Not only because Felix was sit on his toes and he didn’t want to move, but also because… he couldn’t choose between his friends.

Of course, there were things, behaviors he didn’t like in his friends. Or sometimes, he would prefer one way to act to the others.

But it didn’t matter.

As long as he loved them.

“Don’t bring me there,” he sighed.

Felix stared him. “Why? Because you are afraid I will be mad at you if you believe him? I’m not that stupid. You can believe what you want, Sylvain.” He closed his eyes then glanced quickly at him before the brown eyes would lost in the red strands. “Do you believe Glenn asked him to kill? Do you believe…”

“You shouldn’t have come here,” Sylvain cut short.

It was burning Sylvain’s heart. But he believed it.

And when Felix let out a sound looking like a hiccup, or perhaps a nervous laugh, the feeling turned as a stab. Not surprising that Felix would stab him. Voluntarily or not. That just… fitted him.

“I had to,” Felix coldly said.

“Look at you!” Sylvain shouted. “You are…” He groaned. “You take every occasion to pick fight against Dimitri! He is our friend!”

“My friend died in the Tragedy of Duscur. Along those he killed! He is a monster! I came here to fight him!”

“Of course you do! You always do that!”

Felix shook his head and got up. He was shaking and Sylvain passed his hands along his waist.

“You don’t understand!” Felix groaned. “I don’t want to fight him that way! I was decided to come before I opened your letter! I couldn’t run away anymore!” The young Duke looked away. “You can’t understand…”

They were so close.

He couldn’t understand?

Of course he could. He could understand so much more. He came here to run away. He came here to prove himself what he already knew, that aching truth eating him alive now…

“Don’t decide for me, Felix… Talk to me.”

“You’re always so reckless.”

“That doesn’t mean I can’t understand. I’m always there for you.”

He approached his face from his. He hated himself. He couldn’t stop himself. Felix looked away quickly, his face closing.

“Don’t approach me. I certainly stench,” Felix groaned.

“I don’t care.”

Sylvain pressed his face in his soft mane. He needed him so much… Would he dare telling it to him?

Was he really searching hate or was he searching what his heart needed? He had grown up with him. They knew each other so much… A bunch of time ago, he would have kissed his bruises, give him magic kisses. By tenth if needed.

And he didn’t miss this time because his love had grown, shapeshifted…

He needed _him._

Could he be the Star closing the black hole trying to suck everything away in him?

Could he…

Felix pushed Sylvain away. “Do you believe him?”

“No.” Sylvain knew he was walking on burning ember but he also trusted Felix. He wouldn’t brag to Dimitri. “You are right: Glenn would never ask for avenge that way. Not from Dimitri.” He folded his arms. “He already said his father wanted the same and I don’t believe the King was that way… I think Dimitri is…” It was so hard. He couldn’t act that way with Dimitri because… because with everything he had lived… “Listen! I love both of you.” He closed his eyes. “You are my friends… I don’t want to have to choose one over another. Dimitri can have incoherent speech and sometimes I worry for him. But you’re an idiot who think fighting will prevent you to have to talk about your feelings! Instead of getting all angry against Dimitri, you should have _talked_ to him.”

“You can’t understand,” Felix groaned.

“Felix!” Sylvain groaned back. “Don’t decide for me. Talk with me.”

“We are talking and you understand nothing!”

“No. I’m trying to explain you how wrong you may be and you don’t want to understand. It would kill you to stay with Dimitri and try to talk with him?”

“What if I say yes?” Felix smirked.

“You’re better than this. You never step back in front of a fight.”

“So we’re at a fight again?” his best friend mocked.

Sylvain’s heart hurt.

What could he do?

Nothing…

Nothing!

“I see dead people…”

The words hit Sylvain. He watched Felix. Felix who hugged himself and looked so tiny suddenly.

“Walking around like regular people,” Felix whispered.

Was he tested him? Looking if he would side by Dimitri’s opinion or his when put in front of the same situation?

“Like… right now?” Sylvain asked.

“All the time. It never stops.”

Sylvain stared at him.

Dimitri always looked so sure of himself but there was something in his behavior that seemed… off. Like the fact Glenn and the King couldn’t act that way! And Felix… Felix looked worried. Afraid?

There was something in his words, in his acts…

“I can see Glenn…”

Sylvain bit his lower lip.

“So… you want me to decide if it’s you or him who sees dead people? What Glenn says to you? Does he talk with you?”

“You’re an idiot and I will kill you,” Felix pronounced.

Sylvain let out a laugh, rubbing his hair. “Of course you do.”

“I don’t even ask you to trust me,” Felix pursued. “That’s not what I meant. I need to know… is he crazy or am I crazy?” He walked toward him. “I never cared if you wanted to be friend or not with this monster! I’m not there for this and the more you have friend, the better it is. But… am I crazy? Is it true Glenn wants to be avenged… and I just hear what I want to hear? Perhaps he is not the one I thought.”

Sylvain wanted to take his cheeks, rubbing them, comfort him.

There again… he understood so much. He passed by this phase with Miklan. When he was wondering if he didn’t deserve all the bad things his brother was making him live. At some point, he was sure he was the bad one. He was sure he… Well, he was still sure he only deserved hate.

At this moment, he wanted to ask to Felix if he hated him or not.

His words…

Was he talking with him because he valued him or because there was no one else?

His belly was a black hole and it was ironic because he had the feeling he only lived to fill holes in people lives. When they missed a friend, when they needed someone to do something, there, he mattered…

His name, his Crest…

Nothing else.

“I don’t think Glenn would have forced Dimitri to do that,” Sylvain replied. “I don’t put in doubt Dimitri for his words but for the words he says the dead are saying. I can’t believe Glenn, or even the King!, would say such things… to Dimitri less again.”

Sylvain saw the doubts within his best friend. And he couldn’t allow it. He would never allow sadness on this face. Felix would fight until his last breath to be stronger and him… he just wanted the strength to protect those mattering. Seeing a smile blossom, just once, in a friendly face.

And then…

He could die in peace.

“You know what?” he muttered. “I will ask you something… something only Glenn can reply. Impossible for you to know it. If you can reply… you’re not mad and you see ghosts and… I don’t know,” he huffed. “We’ll see?”

“If I’m wrong…”

“That doesn’t mean Dimitri is right. If you’re worry for the memories of Glenn. Perhaps it’s normal… you miss your brother, you saw people dying and can’t forget their face. I’m not surprised.”

“Something is wrong with me anyway…” Felix whispered.

Sylvain approached him. So much that Felix turned away from him. He couldn’t show him his face, filled with emotions he hated. And he still smelled horribly.

Seeing him turn away like that hurt Sylvain again. But he didn’t protest. He closed his eyes. He saw the memories of a feast. A feast where he filled bliss. A feast where he hit on a guy because… he didn’t care for gender. Because he hoped the Crest wouldn’t be a matter if it was a guy.

A feast where snowdrops and crocuses were friends.

A feast that mattered because his little heart realized the worst thing ever… for him.

And… he asked what mattered.

Now…

Now, he could ask the question. Protect Felix from his owns demons. Protect Felix from the worm of madness eating him. But what he risked what… losing him.

But…

If Ingrid had friends, if Dimitri had Dedue and Felix was doing okay but hated him… Then, once again, he could just…

It could be over.

Felix kept fighting but he had fought for too long.

So, his lips opened. The words swirled. And his brain, his heart and the hole in his stomach were screaming at each other.

“What he replied when I said to him I loved you and I wanted to marry you?”

Felix froze, turning his head toward him.

“W… what?” he hiccupped.

Sylvain wanted him to react, honestly. He wanted to hear him mutter words in return for this declaration.

But Felix could not believe him.

He was a child.

Children were like that, after all.

But if only…

Yet, he smiled. Because he wasn’t the one mattering at this moment.

“So you didn’t even know! Don’t worry, love of my life! I was a tiny baby! You don’t have to worry!! Unless…?”

“He said…” Felix started to talk after a moment, as if he listened to someone, “‘How dare you approaching my little brother, Gautier?! He is not like the a girl you give flowers to! But if it’s what you’re planning to do it, blue and never hurt him. Never!’”

When he heard the words, Sylvain could only stare him. He remembered when he went to Glenn. The rage of his because he didn’t want him to hurt Felix. Understandable. He was already a Monster who would make suffer girls because they were making him suffer.

But Felix.

Oh… Felix…

“You’re not mad, Felix.”

“I started to doubt…” Felix whispered.

“I understand.

As Sylvain said those words, Felix looked up at him quickly and he paced backward. There was fear in his eyes.

“I need to… go in my room.”

“Felix, if you need to talk, someone to understand you… I’m there, okay? Not necessarily today, tomorrow… in one week or month? Just… whenever you need it.”

“Alright. Thanks.”

And Felix… just left.

It was fine for Sylvain. Really fine. He didn’t want to force him to stay, didn’t want to be a bother. He knew he wasn’t… important. That was one of the reason he didn’t care about playing with the girls. He knew they would forget. They would search someone else to replace him in their dreams of more, stepping out from the mire…

Ingrid still believed he was horrible.

Perhaps she was the one right on this…

Sylvain glanced at the door, covered with ugly splashes.

He said he would wash it and he won’t fail anyone! He left the training room and searched for water. He was there since enough time to know where he had to go.

The well.

He grabbed a bucket and went to it. He helped a lot of Knights while this month and he went often there, grabbing water for washing or for drinking. You couldn’t drink it like that, though. You had to boil it.

Sylvain would do it a few times per days.

Winking at anyone passing by, showing his muscles while dragging the bucket.

Today was a day like the others.

And yet…

When he reached the well, he froze.

Why?

Why now?

Especially because he wanted to die… He wished to climb a barrier and jump in the void but… but there, standing by the well, he saw Miklan pushing him there again. He wanted to die, he wanted to dig a knife in his heart and would have done it if there weren’t Dimitri, Ingrid… Felix of course… but he couldn’t stand water anymore.

Sometimes, even taking a bath was horrible.

He would worry that his brother would burst from behind and try to drown him. He did it by the past. As he watched down the well, he could feel his hand in his hair, his head forced to be under the hot water. Not able to breath anymore.

The feeling…

The feeling always there, snaking around him.

He always swore himself, if he’d do it, when he’d do it… it would be fast.

He had to…

But there, he wasn’t moving at all.

Wondering, thinking…

What did he want, what was he made to? If nor life, nor death wanted him.

He was just there, standing by the little wall of the well, looking through the depth, watching his own reflection by the meters… It could swallow him. It could kill him, making him life again and again the turmoil and the Hell of his own life.

The sensation creeping along his spine.

Just there, watching his reflection, he had the feeling he was suffocating.

He should move away, stop to look it, stop to feel that…

If only.

He was there, glued on place. The ghost memories swallowing him. He couldn’t breath…

“Sylvain?”

The voice shook him and he managed to swirl on his heels. His eyes were wide open, just like a little animal about to be slayed down by a hunter.

The irony being that… a hunter was in front of him.

“Felix…”

“What is wrong?”

“I… I’m just…” He smiled. “Nothing, of course! I was just chilling. I got here to have a bit of water.”

“Do you know since when I’m looking at you?”

“You’re not nice Felix,” he laughed.

But he was so nervous.

Felix had his arms folded. His cold face. But he was there… and his eyes were less cold. There was this little gleam in his look. It was precious to Sylvain…

“Why did you come?”

“You said you would wash the door, so I went to help you… you weren’t there and it was still ugly. I had seen a girl going to train at some point so I went to see her, asking her when she had slapped you and where you could be. But she said she never saw you… but she wants to see you.”

“Who?” Sylvain smiled.

“It is stupid…” Felix approached him. He moved on his tiptoe and his lips came so close to his, his chest pressing against his. “I thought you would… pass a bit of time with me. I was so excited at this idea…”

“You are exciting me, Felix, but I know you are playing,” Sylvain smirked. “Can I touch your ass, though?”

Felix moved back, glancing coldly at him.

Sylvain smiled but hated himself. Perhaps he should have taken the occasion to really kiss him, be with him.

“What’s the problem with the well?” Felix asked.

“I…”

Felix stared at him.

“It happens sometimes,” Sylvain whispered. “I… You remember that time Miklan tried to drown me?”

“Yes. We slept together that night… You were so afraid.”

“I didn’t want Miklan to come back…”

He passed his hand along his neck. If you took care of it, you would notice he had bruises here and there.

“You put a chair against the door and you accepted to be my teddy bear… It was so sweet from you.” He closed his eyes. “I already felt bad around water but… it was okay. The first days, I was always with a servant to take my bath. Someday, they had to force me a bit. Or to wash me with a washcloths. Then… there was the well. It was so horrible… I thought I would die there. Without you and Glenn, I…”

“We saved you and you are here, Sylvain.”

“Yes. But I can’t just forget… Sometimes, it would come back. Just… out of nowhere. That’s… That’s ridicule, right?”

“No,” Felix replied. “I understand.”

“You really?”

“I really. I will grab that water and we will wash the door together…”

“So I need to help anyway?” Sylvain smirked.

“Yes.”

Felix took the bucket and leaned above the little wall to drag some water.

“If you need to talk about it, or help for something, I will be there.”

“So you mean…”

Felix turned toward him, the full bucket in his hand, a cold smirk in his lips.

“Yes. If you need someone to wash you, I will wash you.”

“Interesting!” Sylvain smiled.

“I’m sure you would badly use your powers,” Felix said, moving to the training room.

Sylvain quickly followed him and passed his arms around his waist, pressing his chin over his shoulder.

“Thank you, Felix. Really…”

“You’re welcome.”

“You really are my best friend.”

Felix whispered something. It looked like “same”. Sylvain couldn’t help but smile a little. It was weird to have confessed all of this to Felix because he always tried to hide his dark and weak parts… But his friend told him what was on his heart too.

The only thing was…

Was Glenn really watching them there? He had a shiver. Glenn would kill him one day for all of this.


	5. Family's blood

Standing in the middle of the Church, Sylvain looked down to the benches. Benches or so many people came to talk to the Goddess, asking her to atone their sins. Perhaps he should do the same. He had so many sins to atone. Yesterday, a girl ran from his bedroom, crying. He hadn’t been able to avoid the big slap of Ingrid nor Felix’s cold look.

He knew it was a sin because he didn’t care, because he didn’t mind…

He said they deserved it… Even his cousin said he was an idiot. So… perhaps he should ask for being atoned. But could he only? He didn’t think he could. When the moment will come, when he will pass on the other side of his window or a bridge, when he will let the weapon of his adversary enter his flesh… of course he would finish in Hell.

If Hell existed.

He just sensed they were waiting for him there.

At least, the Goddess wasn’t forbidding the access to her Church to him. So he could stand there, in front of a bench, watching it down.

Watching Felix who was sleeping there, surrounded by cats…

Every day, he came there, picking up Felix to bring him in his room. He let him sleep there with the cats but as soon as it started to have movement around, he knew it was better to bring him in a soft nest. It has been five months.

Five months and everyday was the same.

And… since he confessed his feelings, he expected Felix would react. But he had crying wolf too much, probably, because Felix… didn’t care?

“Do you hate me?” he asked.

Felix was sleeping. Of course he wouldn’t reply.

A long haired white and black cat meowed, though.

He smiled. “And I thought I was the best with pussies!”

A monk, passing next to him, gazed at him, shocked. He grinned even more at them and winked.

Then, he leaned and took Felix in his arms. The little body moved and pressed against him, the breathing coming out his lips slowly. He smiled just a bit, looking at him, and then, hugging him against his chest, he walked back toward the dormitories.

He knew where to find Felix now, and woke up the morning very early to be sure he wouldn’t risk being bothered too promptly. And seriously, what Seteth, or the Archbishop herself!!, would say if they found him that way? It felt just better, safer, to bring him back to his room.

And, in the morning, it was nice sport to do. He was already ready for a whole day with such training!

He moved through the Monastery and climbed the stairs quickly. As he was doing it, some students were starting to get ready. Marianne stepped aside when she saw him and he didn’t miss telling her she was lovely and he couldn’t wait to see her soft smile, then he moved to Felix’s room.

He passed quickly in front of Ingrid’s because she was still angry at him.

He was about to arrive when a door opened.

“Sylvain!”

Dimitri.

Felix groaned in Sylvain’s arms and that wasn’t that surprising. After all, Felix hated him and he was such a kitty, he could probably _sense_ that Dimitri was around.

“Yup?”

“Ah… Felix will never go sleep in his room, right?” Dimitri said.

“Yeah,” Sylvain laughed.

“Sylvain… you avoided the questions lately but…”

“I need to bring my sleeping beauty in his bed. Sorry, just a few minutes. If he wakes up in my arms…”

Sylvain giggled.

Dimitri could understand. Felix would be so angry. He let Sylvain enters in the room and install the young Duke in the bed. Sylvain pushed the blankets over the tiny body. He caressed one cheek with a tender finger, pushing away some dark blue threads ruffled with his night, training probably…

Sylvain pressed a kiss on his nose, just on the edge, and he raised, stretching. He moved toward the window to let a soft breeze. He glanced at Felix to be sure it wouldn’t disturb him too much while the door closed because of the current of airs in the monastery. Of course, with such an old building, you couldn’t expect little hole here and there between the stones of the wall.

He quickly jumped on the windowsill and passed on the other side of it. He looked at the door on the side and on the other. He couldn’t use Dimitri’s window because if his friend went back there… Perhaps Claude’s? The man wouldn’t be that surprised.

And if ever he fell…

Well.

They all could say it would be an accident.

“SYLVAIN!”

Sylvain almost tripped from the window, his reflexes preventing it… and he hated his reflexes at this exact moment.

“Get down _immediately_!” Dimitri commanded.

“But! I’m doing nothing!”

“What the…” Felix was rubbing his skull. “Boar! Get out my damn room! Sylvain! Get down my windowsill! I don’t care in which side!”

“Felix!” Dimitri protested.

“What? Do you really think he would jump? He won’t. Step out my room!” he commanded.

Sylvain watched Felix. “I could jump…”

Felix turned his head toward him and then shook his chin.

“Why do you think…” Sylvain smiled.

He looked happy but…

“I just know you, Sylvain.”

“Sylvain, we need to talk about your brother,” Dimitri stated.

Felix opened the mouth to command him to step away but… he was on the other side of the door.

Smart.

“You have been avoiding the subject for a month.”

“Dimitri! I may look dumb, but I know when I avoid something! And I even would say it’s for a reason I’m doing it,” he winked.

“We have to go fight him and if you aren’t prepared…” Dimitri said.

“I am prepared,” Sylvain replied. “I always have been prepared for that. I will go there, show, kick his ass and… it would be over. Miklan has to stop doing his wrongdoings… I’m not surprising it’s me who has to handle it.”

“Sylvain…”

“I’m fine,” he cut short. “Thank you for caring but it’s fine.”

He closed his eyes.

“You got what you wanted, Boar? You leave my sight or you want me to slay you down?! Perhaps it’s exciting you: more blood for you.”

“Felix…” Sylvain whispered.

“You are sure you are good, Sylvain?” Dimitri asked.

“I’m fine,” he replied again.

Dimitri nodded slightly. Just after, he glanced at Felix, willing to talk with him and fix things between them. But he couldn’t now. Felix was unreachable and it wasn’t the moment. If he could, he would prefer take care of Sylvain honestly. And this one wasn’t willing to talk neither.

Perhaps Ingrid could deal with them?

He would ask her.

He truly believed she was the only one who could do something with those two stubborn boys.

Dimitri dreamed he could reach them but… it has been such a long time since he truly could see them as friends, it felt.

Felix and Sylvain were always so happy together and him… Well, he was so happy to hang out with Ingrid and Dedue, of course. Or Sylvain, sometimes. But if the past could be rewritten…

On his sad thoughts, Dimitri just left.

Sylvain sat on the chest of drawer. His hands were shaking slightly so he grabbed the edge of the wooden furniture.

“Why did you think I wouldn’t jump?”

Felix turned his head toward him. He stared at him and, on the same time, he seemed not to _see_ him. Their eyes would never brush each other. Sad because Sylvain could have jump in this pool, drown in it… It would be the end of him. And it would be perfect.

“Because we don’t want it, Sylvain… And you never do what please _you._ ”

“What? But…”

Felix just glared at him.

“You’re silly, Felix!” Sylvain laughed softly. He walked toward him and pressed a kiss on his cheek. “The truth is that I wanted to jump.”

Felix looked up at him.

Their eyes met.

One second.

Sylvain could have stop breathing.

Not because of the drowning he craved for but because of the fear in it. He pressed a kiss on his forehead.

“To go on Claude’s room. I really didn’t want that discussion, ya know.”

“You should have jumped,” Felix replied.

Sylvain crashed on the mattress, laying partly on Felix who groaned and pushed him away.

“I should have…”

Sylvain was ready.

All this month… No, all this life he had been ready for that. He needed to fight his own demons and… he never expected to really have to fight them.

He never expected to have to fight Miklan.

Holding his lance against his, holding his lance against the Lance of Ruin of the family… It was so strange.

Was he really ready for this?

He said to everybody he was ready and somewhat, he was still doubting because his spear was dripping blood.

The blood of his family.

The blood of Miklan.

Miklan had made splash his blood on the floor so often and now that it was his turn… it was weird.

Miklan always showed pleasure to do that and him… Him, he hated that. But he hated drawing the blood of anyone. Red as bright as his hair, red spreading on his hands but… he could ignore it. He could push that away as he always pushed everything away. But now…

Ingrid and Dimitri didn’t think it was a good thing, Felix seemed not to care, Ashe and Mercedes had shown some worries… and it just looked like he was orchestrating a fighting game for all the class.

He was the center of the attention.

Their spears raised and… they clicked against each other. They slipped, hitting the armors, flesh ripping open.

Blood spread.

Red splashed all over the tower’s floor, even on the wall.

Sylvain’s jaw was so squared, his teeth clinging against each other under the concentration. Avoiding a blow, throwing another one… it looked like a dance. A deadly dance.

Dance Macabre.

They were swirling.

Red and red coloring the tower.

Sylvain’s lance dashed toward Miklan. It would be a deadly blow, he knew it, and…

Suddenly, dark matter passed around Miklan, swallowing him. Miklan yelled. His body transformed. Sylvain jumped on the side. He had left alone his horse as the fight started and… Miklan becoming a Beast, his paw crushed the skull of said horse. Sylvain gasped… was it because of that sad death or the Monster his brother was becoming?

Funny, no?

He always said his brother was a Monster and now… Now, he truly was a Monster and he didn’t know if he could beat him.

“Sylvain!”

Dimitri was by his side.

Ingrid was by his side.

Felix was by his side.

Sylvain felt relieved. He wasn’t alone on this fight anymore. He could feel magic around and he knew the fighting game was over.

They were still fighting and he felt how much it was for his life.

Of course he fought for his life before but… it was as if it couldn’t happen. Was he hoping? Was he hoping because Miklan never killed him and he believed he would never kill him for real?

This was dreams from a child.

Because his brother hated him.

Because his brother wanted him dead.

And perhaps he just needed to believe, one day, they could be friend again? When that Crest would stop being a burden?

Blood splashed, red slide around, spreading as tiny puddles. Blood was staining him, turning his shirt to pink, making spots among his freckles… Or… his freckles were shapeshifting into blood?

He didn’t know anymore.

It couldn’t be his brother.

It couldn’t be true.

It couldn’t…

And yet.

He was there, awake.

He was there and he…

His hand shook a last time and then… ripped open the belly of the Creature, making flood red.

Everything was red.

He was red.

Red.

Red.

Red.

And the Monster vanished…

Blinking, he watched at the body lying on the floor. His fingers didn’t shake anymore but his legs, yes. He moved toward the body and crushed on the floor.

“Miklan?” he called.

His fingers twitched as he brushed his shoulder.

“Miklan…”

He shook him.

He saw the blood coming from his armor.

“Mercedes!” he called. “We need a healer!”

“Yes!”

She dashed to them. Dimitri’s hand held out, trying to grab her shoulder but he stopped in the mid of his gesture. He just let her kneel next to Sylvain who never had been redder. Even when he had his first girlfriend, even when Miklan had drawn his blood for the first time, even when it was so rainy and his hairs were falling on his face…

She laid down her hands.

And stopped.

“Mercedes, please,” Sylvain said.

“Sylvain…” Ingrid whispered.

“Mercedes?” he called.

“It’s over, Sylvain.” Dimitri’s voice reverberated in the walls. “He is dead.”

Sylvain stopped moving. You could almost believe he didn’t breathe anymore… He was just there, looking…

Seconds passed and minutes…

He was still there. Looking.

“Sylvain. It’s time to go back home,” their teacher announced.

“Yes…”

Sylvain felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked up and only saw Dimitri, and Felix not far away. Felix wasn’t looking at him but he wasn’t looking neither Dimitri with hatred. Ingrid wasn’t very away neither. She looked very worry…

“Dimitri…”

“Yes?”

Dimitri crouched next to him. He was holding out his hand to him.

Sylvain didn’t take it.

“If my brother talks to you… don’t listen to him… okay?”

“O… okay. But I don’t think he would…”

“With him, you never know…” Sylvain replied.

If you would ask Sylvain about what he believed… he would say he didn’t believe Dimitri. Felix gave him the proofs he needed not to have to and what he said was non-sense, frightening. But Dimitri believed he saw ghosts and he respected that. He didn’t need to throw to him ‘go see a nurse’ or anything because… it looked to help him. His thoughts were full of blood but that helped him and he understood, preferring being by his side…

He preferred playing his gaming.

Making him feel good.

But if the ghosts Dimitri was seeing was close enough from their real personality… he was too afraid what it could bring.

“Do you need help to get up?” Dimitri wondered.

“Yeah…”

Dimitri grabbed his hand, lifting him as if he was weighing nothing. Sylvain thanked him with an absent voice and looked away. His eyes were dead.

“You need a bath, too,” Dimitri said, pushing him kindly in the back.

Sylvain looked down and saw the red spreading over his fingers. He moved his head, his eyes grasping Felix.

“I need a bath.”

“Yeah… Come on, I will ride your horse and throw some water at you,” Felix groaned, holding out his hand to him.

Sylvain grabbed it, allowing Felix to drag him after him.

“Be careful,” Ingrid asked.

Not that Felix seemed to listen to her.

In fact, he just didn’t need her to remind it to him…

The water was red. So red.

He believed it would be pink but it was red.

Naked in the warm water, Sylvain’s body showed scars; memories of abuses…

Always in hidden place, never really hide to him. But his heart had closed himself over those pinkish marks. He didn’t see them anymore.

And yet… he was seeing the red of his bath.

More red slid along his limbs, mixing with the warm water.

A hand passed in his hair.

“It’s me.”

Sylvain hadn’t even the time to froze he heard the soft voice of Felix.

“I think I got everything now,” Felix pursued.

“Thank you…”

“Sylvain…” Felix closed his hands around the wooden tub. “You know, if…”

“No,” he replied. “I can’t ask you anything.”

Felix nodded.

Somehow, he had even more affection and esteem for him at this moment. He didn’t feel like he was just someone to use when you needed it.

“In fact… can you do something for me?” Sylvain asked.

Felix held out a sigh. Not that he lost his esteem or affection.

“Yeah?”

“Can you… hug me?”

“Hug you?” Felix replied.

He hated hug and yet… his affection kept rising.

He heard sound and saw the water move, the fingers in it shaking. He straightened and passed his arms around his waist, his head pressing on his shoulder.

“Thank you…” Sylvain whispered.

He moved down his head but that couldn’t do anything against the tears sliding along his cheeks…


	6. Where the heart goes

Fhirdiad was attacked.

Could you expect this? Could you expect that those who you befriended for one year where now your enemy? Ingrid was worrying, Dimitri was mad and Sylvain couldn’t find Felix… As for him, he was so afraid.

Fighting the Empire?

When will he have to attack Ferdinand? Will he be the one drawing Ferdinand’s blood?

When his father commanded him to go to Fhirdiad to protect the town, he had fell fear in his guts.

He didn’t want to see his hands turning even redder with the family blood but what… could he do except that? It was his duty. Fighting for his country. It was what his parents expected from him.

But today…

If Fhirdiad fell…

No, Sylvain couldn’t think about that. The reins of his horse in his hands, he couldn’t think about anything else than the fight he was taken in. Citizens were afraid as the army of Edelgard was stepping inside. He had seen the Wyverns of Ladislava a bit earlier and, once again, had begged for Ferdinand to be comfortably installed in the Aegir grounds…

The worst?

There weren’t enough Soldiers to protect the city.

They have been betrayed.

Some of the highest politicians and generals were siding with Edelgard and they have cut the resources to every Soldiers who would try to protect the city, protect their Prince… And it worked.

But Sylvain didn’t care for money. The Fraldarius neither. And if Ingrid was really in need of money, she preferred side with her friends.

So they were here, fighting.

For Firdiadh.

For Faerghus.

Could you believe that it was the white shirt of Garreg Mach that was stained with the blood of the Adrestians? Because Sylvain’s shirt was turning pink by place. He hadn’t got the chance to change himself.

Yesterday they were all friends and now…

Now, screams, fear, cries…

Sylvain’s spear was flying around. Swirling. When he could, he would make sure he wouldn’t kill them. Sparing a life on the battle field was dangerous… You would spare a life and they will rest, be healed and when they would come back… who knows what could happen?

But he couldn’t neither kill them.

If he was at their place, he would be so delighted someone would hold out their hand to him. If someone he loved could have been spared and hadn’t… he would be mad.

Because he had killed so many, because he had killed his own brother for the sake of other lives…

And here, it was again because it was his duty that he was fighting, protecting the population. He wished he could know what’s going on with his father… and his mother. She was certainly fighting as well. They met on a battlefield, his parents. He couldn’t expect to see them somewhere else than in this kind of climate. They were fighting for the Prince, for the Capital.

He was doing the same.

He was placing his body between citizens and enemies. He was raising his spear against anyone raising a weapon against anyone.

Blood was raining around him.

He opened flesh.

He prevented people from using wrists or legs again.

It wasn’t a life he offered them. Some of them will stay wounded for life, unable to do what they used to love.

He had no choices.

It was only for the future…

What could he do except that?

All of this… Going to the Monastery, passing there not twelve but almost fourteen years month; seeing his brother turn against him and die; seeing his cousin trying to make friends and only being pushed away; seeing Felix closing himself more and more after day…

All of this was it even worthy?

If all of this was ending in the claws of a War…

A scream echoed against the walls of houses.

There were a million of screams, begs, cries… but this scream was different from the others, flying directly at his ear.

Ingrid?

Yes, it was Ingrid!

Sylvain ripped open a shoulder, so he would be sure the Soldier would never again raise his weapon against someone else. Then, he swirled on his heels. And he ran. He just ran toward the scream he had heard. He ran as fast as he could. He ran and ran.

He couldn’t see the Pegasus of Ingrid.

That was weird.

He ran and…

Ingrid was fighting. She had a huge blood strain on her belly. And yet, Ingrid was moving, her spear swirling and countering her adversary. It was Ladislava herself, her wyverns not here thought this didn’t prevent her fierce to simmer within her. Her hair undone by the rage of the fight, as much as Ingrid’s very flying in the air in a messy way.

“Ingrid!”

“Sylvain!” she replied, her lance countering Ladislava’s.

“Ladies fighting! Should I stop that?” he joked.

But he just had joked that his hand rose and grabbed Ladislava’s wrist. She let out a groan and threw her foot in his crotch. He huffed but Ingrid threw her elbow in her face. She moved her lance, sliding it under her chin with the blood dripping from her belly.

“Ooooof!” Sylvain hiccupped. “Oh gosh! You got this, Ingrid!”

“And you? I’m being jealous of her… I always dreamed to do that,” she smirked.

Sylvain let out a laugh.

He moved his fingers and hissed after a Soldier. Which ran toward them.

“Sir?!”

“Can you bring this pretty Lady, not Lady Galatea, to the Castle? Put her in jail, please.”

She watched them, not much worry in her eyes. As if she knew she was risking nothing. And Sylvain didn’t like that but what could he do except that?

Plus, he still has pain throbbing in his manhood.

Damn!

“Ingrid?” he called, as the Soldier grabbed Ladislava, forcing her to move to the castle.

“I’m fine,” she said.

Sylvain removed his shirt. He would have loved to still have a vest to hide a little his body but he had thrown it away a moment ago. It was ripped open, stained with blood… And now, he was just shirtless.

“Sylvain?!”

“Let me do.”

Sylvain approached her and used his shirt to make a bandage to Ingrid. She pressed her lips together. It was a bit hurtful when it pressed on the wound. The shirt turned even pinker but Ingrid felt like the blood stopped streaming from her flesh.

“It’s good?”

“Yes… Ugh, thank you, Sylvain. Do you know where Dimitri is?”

“I think he is in the Castle,” Sylvain replied at her ear.

He didn’t want anyone to hear it and maybe trick Dimitri to kill him.

As he was leaning over her, he took the opportunity and took her like a Princess, lifting her.

“Sylvain!!”

“Don’t worry,” he said. “It’s fine. We will go faster.”

She groaned.

“Hold the lance, and I’m not talking about…”

She threw her elbow in his chest and he groaned. But he deserved it…

He gave her the lance and starts running, his chest not being exposed only thanks to her. It was win-win.

Sylvain ran again.

He was out of breath but he kept going because he had to.

They were dashing toward the Castle. Ingrid’s hand was really closed around the spear. She will be ready to defend them at any moment.

As they were moving to the Castle, they saw someone dashing.

Sylvain stopped.

“Was it…” Ingrid whispered.

“Felix?” Sylvain finished.

The War was all around the town, people needed their help, citizens were expecting savior and Sylvain…

He just ran toward that little shadow.

Ran again.

Ran faster.

“Felix?!” he called.

He lowered his head to pass under rubble who had fallen in a kind of ark menacing to fall on them. But he passed on the other side without having to really worry.

“Felix!”

He dashed faster. He was taller than Felix, his legs big enough to allow him to catch him back. Only holding Ingrid with one arm, he grabbed Felix’s wrist.

Felix swirled, holding out his sword.

“It’s me, Felix!”

“Felix!” Ingrid said.

Felix’s eyes widened.

“Sy… Sylvain? Ingrid?” he hiccupped.

He looked away. But both of them had noticed his eyes, foggy. And also his cheeks covered with tears.

“Felix? What’s wrong?”

“I…”

Felix shook his head. His stomach was hurting him. “I’m fine,” he said.

“You don’t need to hide anything…” Sylvain whispered.

He wouldn’t push more.

Ingrid watched him with a sad look.

Sylvain moved his arm to bring Felix into a hug. And Felix let him do…

Honestly… the War being all around, all of three should be away, drawing blood, fighting. He should show them the lead, being the older. Isn’t it?

But…

Sylvain understood something: his parents might believe his duty was to take care of the city and hold his weapons to protect the weak. And he would, of course. But his true duty was to take care of his friends…

Them first.

Them receiving all his love.

And then, helping those who needed him.

But first Felix, Ingrid and, yes, Dimitri as well.


	7. Just look at those stars

Could you believe it has been five years?

Five years since he had left in Garreg Mach, living in the fear for his comrades to have died against the Alliance or the Empire; living in the fear to have to fight Ferdinand. He kept sending him letters, begging for him to be alive. They couldn’t meet because if they tried, someone would certainly have killed him because he tried to slither in the Kingdom…

He wasn’t the only one to whom he sent letters, though. He kept sending it to Ingrid and Felix. Even Annette and Mercedes by time. It has been harder to find Ashe, and when he learnt he had to enter in affair with Lord Gwendal to reach Ashe, he had hesitated… but he couldn’t not send a letter to him. To him and another pretty girls of their classes. And some dude.

The War had been horrible and it has been pretty hard to stay in contact with others, to find the strength to survive…

It has been hard to keep fighting when the rage of the War was surrounding them.

Every minute, of every day, of every week…

There was no break here.

Just sorrow and pain.

But today, he refused to give himself to it. Today, he was running through Faerghus on the back of his loyal horse. Well… if he would have been fully honest, he was running through Faerghus since a few days. He didn’t want to exhaust his horse. They have to make break but they also needed to avoid the war zone… he couldn’t handle a fight for now.

Fortunately, seeing alone soldier was rare…

As he crossed the snows of Faerghus, as he moved through the forests and mountains, he hadn’t found anyone.

In fact, the first time he saw someone around, it was near to the domain belonging to Garreg Mach. This said domain was left abandoned since years and the vegetation had started to thicken, ivy growing all around, flowers blossoming, forests becoming wider… in such a way that you could lost yourself there.

Perhaps he had lost himself, or perhaps he was following the path, hard to know, but it was at the moment he saw someone. He made his horse walk faster, almost trot, to arrive next to them.

“Hello! I saw a lot of flowers while coming here but here is the prettiest of them all! A ray of light through the…”

“Can you stop, Sylvain? Unless you want to taste my lance?”

“Unless _you_ want to taste my lance,” he winked.

“You are absolutely gross, Sylvain! How are you even doing?!” the pretty flower hiccupped.

“Easily! And you were giving it easy to me!” he laughed. “I’m glad to see you, Ingrid…”

“Me too. It’s stupid to come here but… I couldn’t prevent it. We promised it to Dimitri… I want to light on a candle for him…”

“We will,” he replied. “He would be happy we’re doing that.” And Felix would kill him for such words. He couldn’t stand people making talk the deaths… “Have you already see Felix?” he asked.

“No. But we said we will meet next to the village… He didn’t want to come alone. He was… a bit weird,” she sighed.

With worries in her voice.

Honestly, Sylvain understood Felix. If Dimitri came back, as promised, Felix would see it. And if he couldn’t control himself…

Often, he thought about this power; often he thought about the fact those he killed could be around them.

Haunting him.

Though he really hoped they had better to do… Family to hug? Or protect?

And Miklan…?

They never talked about Miklan with Felix. Mostly because he always avoided the discussion, to be honest. He didn’t want Felix to feel like he was just an object within his hands. And… he wasn’t sure he would like to talk with Miklan anyway…

Or perhaps… he would like to?

As they moved forward, they finished to arrive on the village. Felix was there, sitting among cat and caressing them.

Of course.

Sylvain couldn’t help smiling.

He approached his childhood friend.

“Hey there, my favorite Fraldarius!” He winked. “How are you doing?”

“If he makes a dirty joke, can I kill him?” Ingrid asked.

“Only if you let me participate,” Felix replied.

He had a smirk on his lips.

“You both are means!!” Sylvain protested.

“We just know you,” Ingrid smiled.

Sylvain groaned but kept smiling. He then moved his hand toward Felix.

“Eh, beauty, Ingrid and I have a horse and we’ll be fast so, do you want to share my horse?”

“Isn’t it too much for your horse?” Felix groaned.

“You’re light as a feather, don’t worry.”

Sylvain smiled.

Felix took his hand and he felt his friend lift him immediately. And his butt crushed on his lap.

He hadn’t the time to really realize, to protest, that the horse was moving. And, soon, he could hear the hooves of Ingrid’s Pegasus. She was walking next to Sylvain’s horse and him, he was just… sitting on his friend’s thigh, like that…

“Eh… Since it’s that Ball again, today, one of you owes me a dance!” Sylvain said.

“Not me!” Ingrid quickly said.

“What?!” Felix protested. “You’re such a bad friend!”

“You’re supposed to sacrifice yourself for me,” Ingrid smiled.

“Why? Because you’re a damsel in distress? The only case I can see that is when I will run after you because I have to dance with Sylvain!” he groaned.

“So sweet of you,” the lady mocked.

“You don’t have to do it if you hate it that much,” Sylvain protested with a pout.

“Then no dance,” Felix said.

“Then, no dance,” Sylvain sighed.

Felix frowned.

“Have you heard this?” Ingrid asked.

“Hm?” Sylvain wondered.

“There is…sound… someone is fighting I’d say?” she replied.

“Let’s see,” the young Margrave replied.

“Yeah… I’m always willing to fight,” Felix smirked.

“Of course, you are,” Sylvain laughed, pressing a kiss on his cheek.

He hit the sides of his dear horse and the animal dashed toward the sound. Ingrid flew by his side. Her Pegasus wasn’t that much faster because there were so many trees all around.

But, in the end, they arrived a bit under the Monastery, in the village they went so often to learn how to be nice Nobles caring for the citizens. They have learn, they have laughed, they have discovered, and Sylvain got a bunch of histories here. And a bunch of slaps too.

But the houses were all almost destroyed, grass was covering everything, some trees tried to grow here and there… Flowers were sprouting in a beautiful colorful field. And…

“The Monastery has become a nest of thieves,” Sylvain groaned.

Ingrid’s face lightened up.

“Professor!” she called happily. “You’re alive after all!” She had already noticed the bandits, of course, but her attention came back to them. “But first things first. Let’s defeat these thieves.”

Felix watched in the distance. He jumped from Sylvain’s lap, taking out his sword.

“I’ll lend a hand. We’ll catch up later.”

“Listen up. We must end this quickly.”

When Dimitri’s voice, changed by the years and the madness, echoed in the field of ruin, Sylvain froze. His eyes were gleaming with joy but… confusion was earthquaking in his guts.

Dimitri was there. Dimitri was alive…

His friend was there.

And he could protect him until his last breath.

So… in the end, it was perhaps fine he had survived that much, right?

Sylvain was leaning on the little wall. The night had casted his veil away and the Stars were playing their usual dance with the Moon. From there, he could see the ground and… let’s be honest, he still thought about just jumping. He could have…

Dimitri was back.

He could take care of Ingrid. And as for Felix… eh! He could haunt _him_. Make sure everything was alright! That was an idea!

He never had forgotten this idea, despite the love he had for Dimitri and Ingrid… Despite the love he had for Felix, of course.

When he was fighting in this War, he was fighting with the hope he would die, slayed by a lance, a sword or an arrow. He didn’t care… Especially because it wouldn’t be his fault anymore so he could die without anyone to reproach it to him… right?

Now… an accident could happen so fast.

The floor was a bit wet…

He pressed his feet on the little wall.

“Sylvain?” a voice called.

Sylvain turned his head and saw the Moonlight slide in dark blue hair, making them shine like a constellation.

“Felix?”

“Will you get down this wall or should I push you?”

Sylvain saw his smirk and he felt the joke in his tone. Or… he hoped it? He walked down the wall and moved toward him. Holding out his arms, he smiled.

“I’m not on the wall anymore!”

“Brilliant.”

Sylvain kept smiling. He was glad to see him, honestly.

“Do you feel better?” he wondered.

Felix had puked a bit after the battle. They were all greeting Dimitri, who was acting so strangely, and Felix was throwing up. Not only throwing up but also running away to avoid the reunion and also calm himself a bit.

“Yes. I was just…”

Sylvain didn’t want him to run away from his problems. Especially those kinds of problems.

“It’s because of Dimitri?”

Felix seemed to pout.

“You wanted a dance, isn’t it?” he countered.

Brilliant.

Sylvain couldn’t help smiling.

“Of course I wanted a dance. With you more than with Ingrid,” he said, walking toward him.

As he approached him, he couldn’t resist take a short blue strand along his cheek between his fingers, brushing his skin. His heart was beating so face. Felix was so beautiful. And he missed him so much. He hadn’t seen him since seventeen month and the last letter was three months ago. He was always worried about losing him on the battlefield.

And he was there.

At the Goddess Tower…

“Why me?” Felix asked.

Sylvain smirked.

He loved him.

He hated him.

He told him his feelings by the past. Did he was oblivious of them? Did he really believe he was lying?

“Why not you?”

“Say… Five years ago…” Felix looked away. “When we tried to know if I was mad or not, you said something… about wanting to marry me.” There they were. “Where you serious?”

“Yes.”

Not a second of hesitation.

“But nothing change between us,” Sylvain swore. “I won’t force you to do anything, I won’t court you for days. I’m your friend first, the one mad in love for you secondly.”

And now… what Felix will do? Run away?

Usually when they didn’t want him, that’s what they all did. He didn’t care about not seeing them again but if he lost Felix…

“I’m not made for romance, Sylvain. You know what I am.”

“A warrior?”

Felix nodded.

“Not only. I see so much more within you. I adore you for everything Felix. I know you since you are born. I saw you coming back from Duscur and…”

“I never came back from Duscur!”

“I never left that well. We have been destroyed by our brother,” Sylvain smirked. “But that’s not what I’m trying to say to you…” He leaned, pressing their forehead together. “I love who you are. Your defaults and your qualities. You are precious to me. I never stopped loving you. Sometimes I disagreed, sometimes you make me worry, sometimes I wondered if I wasn’t just… used to the feeling of loving you. Others time, I just knew I wanted to stay with you forever. No matter how. Seeing you smile and wanting to smile because you’re so beautiful, so precious when you smile; hating your tears…”

Sylvain could feel Felix’s breathing.

“I don’t understand why you don’t get _more_ girls with such words.”

Felix was smirking as he said that.

“I get every girl I want! And even boy! But I never say the truth,” Sylvain confessed.

Felix stayed mute, staring at him.

Sylvain did his best to keep smiling but he hated him. Of course Felix would hate on him for that. It was his fault… Always joking around.

Why he couldn’t be himself?!

Especially because from all, Felix deserved to see his real him. unless he was too afraid to see him turns his heels and run away. And yet… Felix was the one who had seen the most of his true himself. Even without knowing it.

Felix opened his lips.

Sylvain closed his eyes.

“I see things I shouldn’t see…”

Sylvain opened one eye.

“Yeah, I know… Glenn is watching, by the way?” he asked, making a face.

Felix didn’t reply. Sylvain could feel he was listening to Glenn’s commentary.

Frightening.

“He is watching.”

“Outch… Uh, hello Glenn! How are you doing?”

“He is fine,” Felix immediately replied. “But that wasn’t what I meant.”

“What then?” Sylvain wondered.

“I told you I never came back from the Tragedy of Duscur… I mean it. I still see it, as soon as I close my eyes. Sometimes, I watch my hands… they are clean and yet, they seem reds. When I look at Dimitri… I only see the Boar feeding blood. When I watch him for too long… blood start to stream on him. Images come back from the past… And my nightmares are filled with him…”

“Felix…”

As Felix looked away, he grabbed his face, his thumb caressed softly the hollow, sign of how badly he threaten himself, barely eating.

“I will help you.”

“Help me?” Felix hiccupped, his eyes filled with confusion.

“Yeah. Frankly, I don’t know how. But I will do my best. I will reassure you when needed… I will show you there is more than the horror of War. I know it’s hard because… well… where into it? But I won’t let you down.”

Sylvain looked away. Not fleeing from the discussion but searching in the landscape. He could show him the stars but perhaps it wasn’t for Felix. Because Felix… well, you knew Felix.

Finding something to change his mind, to give more…

Finding something…

“Didn’t you want to dance?”

Felix’s voice took Sylvain’s mind. He enthralled him every time he talked but there… Felix really wanted to dance?

“You want to dance?”

“Want? No… But you want. And you want to help me. Do you think it could help? Usually, I train to empty my mind.”

“You _always_ train,” Sylvain commented.

“Yes.”

How much Felix needed to empty his mind…

Could he make him dance forever? He would love having him in his arms forever, though…

He moved toward him, his fingers caressed his before holding them tenderly. His other hand came on the crook of his back, feeling how thin he was…

“What I do with…”

Felix looked at his hand.

“On my shoulder,” Sylvain invited.

Felix nodded. Sylvain saw him move his hand slowly, cautiously, and he hated the fact he still had his armor because he couldn’t feel the tenderness of him…

“Now, I will lead, just follow. I will go slowly.”

Sylvain was truly happy to hold him in his arm. He made him swirl, softly. He could feel his fingers closing around him, even if there was the armor. He could feel Felix giving himself in the dance, trying to follow the paces.

He seemed to take the steps pretty easily.

He was a swordsman after all.

Felix moved his face, looking at him. Not right in the eyes, but his face, his smile. Sylvain loved his expression. He was enthralled by him, he was in love with his gesture, how his mouth twitched. He wanted to kiss his face, his thin cheeks… He loved having him in his arms, so tiny and yet so precious. This man who could overthrow him in the other side of the bridge if he wanted to.

He wanted to make a pledge to the Goddess with him. But he would never.

He didn’t care if he could change his mind.

He was dancing with him, the Moon and the Stars for only witnesses. And they were making him shine like never. He could be only wearing this…

Felix was marvelous.

And… Sylvain could dance with him until the Moon would die to let the Sun make his colors fresher. And he could continue to dance again. If he could…

He would die dancing with him.

He would die looking him.

His Felix…

“Sylvain…”

“Yes?”

“You should be more careful on the battlefield.” Felix moved his fingers from his shoulders, sliding them on Sylvain’s neck and brushing a bruise. His fingers pushed slowly the heavy shirt and saw that it was bigger than he believed. And… green? “Though I didn’t remember seeing you take a blow.”

“Don’t worry,” Sylvain replied. “It’s just Miklan. You know him.”

Sylvain kept smiling, like always. His fingers pressed softly the crook of Felix’s back… but this one moved away, stopping dancing with him.

“Sylvain…”

“Yes?”

“Miklan is dead.” Felix frowned. “You know that?”

“Yes, of course. What do you think? Five years and half ago. I…” Sylvain shook. “Nothing.”

“You know what you just said?”

“That Miklan made me that…” Sylvain stopped talking because he realized what he was saying. “I mean…”

“Do you know who makes you that bruise? It looks like you have it since a few days… Where were you?”

“I…” Sylvain stepped backward. He moved toward the edge of the bridge and his hand closed around the tiny wall. “Felix… It’s something I never intended to ask you but…” He squeezed his fists. “Do you see Miklan?”

Felix nodded.

“Do you know… where he is?”

“With you. Always.”

“I… I really didn’t want to ask you that but…”

“Sylvain. If there is someone for whom I have always been willing to do that parakeet thing, it is you.”

“So… Can I talk with him?” Sylvain asked.


	8. Lie on me

Sometimes, there was something you wanted to tell to someone, or them to be the very first one to know it. You always thought how you would tell them, how they might reply to it. It was important they would be the first to know and you would wait for days, months or more for the moment to be perfect.

The problem with Sylvain was that that thing he wanted to say… it was to a dead he wanted to say it.

Chance was by his side, perhaps, because the love of his life was able to see ghosts and talk to them, Sothis only knows why.

But the one he wanted to talk with had refused to talk him for nineteen years, almost twenty. Do you really believe he would like to talk to him now that he was dead?

Sylvain sat on the little wall along the bridge of the Goddess Tower.

He watched at Felix, who stared next to him. He waited. How many times before Felix would be pissed off because Miklan was only insulting him.

“He is listening,” Felix said.

Sylvain felt weird.

Why?

Why Miklan would agree to talk with him like that?

And it was annoying because he never expected Felix to listen to that. But Felix had confessed his fear and he had sworn he would take care of him. You could believe his friend would give it back to him but… on the other hand, he didn’t want to weigh on him.

Especially not now…

“My parents…” No, Felix hadn’t to repeat to Miklan. He wasn’t talking to Felix. He was talking to Miklan. Even if he didn’t know where he was… “Our parents expected something from me. Father more than mother… I always have to do everything fine and great. I was… I am the heir of Gautier. For father, going with all those ladies wasn’t a problem because… he is good for having more babies Crest all around, even a bastard. The Crest must life, you know? So… running after ladies? Awesome. Wanting to have a boy because I like him?” Sylvain shook his head. “Not acting like a Knight? Not wanting to go to war? Not being perfect?”

Sylvain couldn’t help laughing.

It was a cold and sad laugh, though.

“Every time I failed…”

Sylvain looked in the distance.

“I don’t know why I said it was you… Perhaps because it was you at a moment? Or because… I just couldn’t say out loud what true Nobles like them was doing that?”

Sylvain removed his armor, slowly.

His hands were shaking.

“Father wanted me to be something… and, sometimes, I think mother hated me too? Because she started to act likely. She never touched me but her words…”

He threw the iron on the stoned ground. The clings echoed around.

He didn’t care.

“Now that I think… she never touched me in any case.” Sylvain threw his gauntlets. “You see… You hated me, you said my life was awesome because I had a Crest but my life was hell. Father forced me to be perfect and make me pay when I failed, mother refused to touch me, you wanted to kill me and let me talk about girls! Wanting only the Crest, the name… You know… the first blow wasn’t even from you, Miklan. I remember it. I don’t remember what I had done but I remember the slap. Father’s hand. My cheek hitting the floor on the other side. I remember being closed in my room because I didn’t want to do what he expected… Or I did it badly? Not fine enough…”

He opened the vest, showing his chest in the cold night. Among the soft hair, you could see bruises, scars…

“Sylvain…” Felix let out.

“You know… how you felt when your father said you where shit and all because Dimitri was dead? Same. He said I shouldn’t have cared for you and Ingrid. He said I should have protected the Capital because I was the Vassal of Dimitri. Nothing else. And if I had to choose a friend, it should be him. Always. When you left after those three days, just when you had cut your hairs, father threw me in the jail. He told me I deserved much more but I was bearing the Crest he wished… I had something to do.”

“How many times did you rest in the jail?”

“Ten days.”

Felix raised his eyes.

“Miklan says he knew.”

“He knew?” Sylvain hiccupped.

“Not at the beginning,” Felix replied. He approached him. “Not before his dead. When he died, he followed you. He expected being able to haunt you. Frightening you. And he saw things. He still hated you when you were at Garreg Mach. He said he saw you sad but for him, you were playing…”

Felix held out his hand to close the vest. Sylvain twitched when the fingertips brushed him accidentally. He moved his arms and took him in the embrace. Felix froze. But he let him do. And after a little second, he closed the vest. He pressed his face against his shoulder.

“The very first time he realized something was wrong was with the jail… He sat next to you, expecting… this to be a joke? A fake punishment? He had seen your father hit you after that Dimitri was put in jail. He had heard the insults but that didn’t look strange… He stayed with you in that jail. Slowly… he started to understand. And… he didn’t think it was fair. Your father never was that hard on him… He thought you were just loved beyond everything and he started to understand… How you hated yourself. How you suffered. He saw your tears. He started to see how fake your smile was…” Felix frowned and glanced on the side. “He… still hates you. But he also loves you… and he thanks you. If he would have been at your place, his life would have been Hell. He didn’t suffer. He just couldn’t be you…”

“And so what now?”

Sylvain rubbed his eyes with the heel of his palm. He watched toward what he guessed being Miklan’s position from Felix’s glance.

“You hated me. You make my life even more horrible and I’m… I’m…”

Sylvain couldn’t talk anymore. His throat was sore.

“He heard everything. He knows you say you never left that well. But if you need to grab a hand, so you can finally step outside of it… he is holding his hand to you.”

“Felix, he can’t say that!” Sylvain protested.

“He said ‘You are stronger than those assholes. You proved every damn day I wanted to stab you. When I tried to crush your skull, your smiled like an idiot and you still trusted me by time. I thought you were naïve. You’re not. I thought I was better and stronger than a fucking shrimp like you. I’m not. You say you’re still in the well _I_ pushed you in? I will hold my hand to you and you better catch it, Sylvain. You can’t stay in that fucking well. Move your ass and leave it and give the finger to those assholes!’”

Sylvain gasped.

Felix couldn’t invent this.

This looked like what Miklan could say.

But…

“How I am supposed to take his hand?” he asked. “I can’t force you to be the bridge every time, Felix…”

“Do you want it?”

“No!” Sylvain protested. He blushed. “Yes… Yes, of course. I…”

He looked on the side. Felix grabbed his chin and made him turn it a bit more, pressing his cheek on his shoulder.

“I always wanted to talk to you. I didn’t trust you… I knew what you could do to me… But you know what…” He didn’t want to say it in front of Felix. “I wanted you to save me, as well. I hoped. I wanted you to… to realize. But you never… And… I’m very sorry for your death…”

“’I saw when you wanted to save me. I heard your despair. I thought you were an idiot. You’re too nice and it’s disgusting…’”

Sylvain laughed sadly.

“I won’t lie… this looks so weird.”

He finally talked to him. He finally talked to his brother… It was so strange. Pleasant. Frightening.

“Miklan says it’s weird for him to… and he wants you to know… your mother wanted you. She wanted every of her children… But a lot of them died in young age. Your father didn’t care much, the conditions weren’t that good because he wanted more kids, a Crest baby, as you would say. My words,” Felix added. “You got two or three sisters, all of them called Azélie and all of them dying. One another boy, dying around his five years and… he supposed they have children before him, perhaps… She wanted to love you but your father was so obsessed by you. She didn’t dare to approach you. She felt like you weren’t her child anymore…” Felix looked down. “He said he is sorry.”

“I’m sorry too. You deserved more, Miklan. I would have wanted something different for us… now we are here… I would love to talk with you often… But I can’t force Felix to do that whole change. I will talk to you. I will just not… be able to listen to you. Is this fine for you?”

Felix nodded after a few seconds.

“He says he will harass me when it will be really needed.”

“You are fine with this?” Sylvain wondered.

“I’m fine with this. Especially if that makes you happy. You deserve happiness, Sylvain… You say you would help me. I will help you too. Is it possible? I help you to forget you want to jump, I help you to see how the life could be better, especially with you in there; you help me to forget this past without training all the time. Perhaps… I could face Dimitri again, one day…”

“You weren’t supposed to know…”

“It’s fine,” he whispered. “We don’t have to be strong all the time,” Felix said. He moved his finger. “Miklan and Glenn say the same.”

“Woaw… Okay,” Sylvain laughed hardly. “Say… You’re fine if I hug you?”

“Yes,” Felix replied.

The young Gautier was relieved as he said yes. He hugged him tenderly, feeling a bit better.

He still couldn’t believe he talked with his brother.

After all this time.

And they could go through this. They could change and be brothers as he always wished it. It was so strange it happened after his death, though…


	9. At night

The War was over.

It was hard to realize that, after almost six years, the War was over. Dimitri having find back his mind was ruling over Fódlan and, with Dedue, Mercedes, Annette, and Ashe by his side, he would be able to do it. With Byleth by his side, he would step in the right direction. With Ingrid; Sylvain, as he had dismissed the old Margrave to put him at the head of Gautier’s grounds; and Felix if he accepted, he could feel the future will be brighter.

Today, as the War was officially over, Dimitri had been crowned King and it would be the last night all together.

Tomorrow, they would leave for their grounds.

Dedue and Byleth would stay there. With him, by his side. Annette was staying there too. Not only for Dimitri but also for her father. Hoping creating again what they have lost. Ingrid and Felix would come back in their lands, Sylvain too… He would accompany Mercedes back to the Empire so he could see Ferdinand and make sure no one would hurt him. Technically, he risked nothing because Dimitri gave him a job but with the tensions, he preferred not to take any risks.

Ashe wanted to take back Lonato’s ground, perhaps helped by the Count Rowe, if Dimitri allowed it to him?

And there was something…

It was sad but…

Sylvain felt…

How to explain that? He was delighted but he was also extremely sad.

Felix was still afraid but he was capable to talk with Dimitri, being around him and he was actually often by his side.

They have crossed the same things so they could talk.

It was delightful to see Felix and Dimitri talking, to see them helping each other but on the other hand… he would have loved reached to Felix.

It was over…

Now, their live will be torn apart.

When will they see again?

He had told his feelings to Felix two times… He couldn’t do more. He had lost his chance and, honestly, he regretted a bit to have confessed. If he had said nothing, perhaps he could confess now and hope having his love?

But in fact…

No.

They were friends and it was nice to be by his side, no matter how.

Just… after one year to be almost all the time with him, it would be sad to be so away from him.

He hated that so much…

He didn’t wish for more War, honestly. But… Ah, if only Dimitri hadn’t dismissed the Margrave, he could have sneaked in Felix’s house, perhaps?

Now, he just couldn’t and as the sun was setting, adorning Felix’s face with soft colors, he thought… It was perhaps the last time he was seeing him…

How horrible.

He was doing the softest dream.

He loved this dream. A dream where he could cup Felix’s cheeks and look at him for hours, press his lips on his face. Love him.

Love him.

Love him again.

_Knock knock._

Sylvain groaned. He rubbed his face and looked around. He was in his room. In the dark of the night.

No Felix around.

Just loneliness.

“Yeah?” he growled.

“Sylvain? Do I wake you up?”

“Yeah…” Sylvain groaned.

“Sorry. Miklan said you were awake…”

Sylvain couldn’t help laughing. Miklan was nicer with him but he couldn’t help bother him once in a while. It was not much, brotherly. He could accept that.

He rubbed his forehead with a little sigh, stretching a bit.

Felix approached him and he could see him through the darkness.

“Can I sleep with you?”

Sylvain’s heart raced.

He could make joke about this but he could also savor the moment. The idea of having him in his arms.

“Sure,” he replied. “You want me to move on the side?”

Felix replied by sliding in his arms.

Sylvain’s heart beat even faster. And when he felt the cheek pressing against his chest. He took the blankets to pass them above his frail body and watched him.

This was a dream…

“You’re good there?” Sylvain asked.

“Yes.”

Sylvain hugged him a little more. He moved his face to press his in his hair. He loved his smell. Sure it wasn’t very conventional but it was Felix’s smell and he loved it…

“Something was wrong?”

“No. I just couldn’t sleep.”

“And you wanted to be with me then?” Sylvain smiled.

“I just feel good with you. I didn’t want to think… The War is over but I’m still the same.”

“You’re great, Felix. And you know, I will always be there for you.”

It was a delight to feel him snuggling in his arms.

“I will always be there for you. I will send you letters… Mine and if you want, Miklan can come sometimes so I could send you some for him.”

Sylvain loved him so much. He wanted to beg him to stay forever…

“I want nothing else than you being happy.”

“Seriously. What do you want?” His hair tickled his naked chest as he lifted his head. “What do you want? You never said what you planned after the War?”

“What I want?” Sylvain repeated.

“Yes.”

“Well… I expected to just go back home and hit on pretty ladies!” Sylvain laughed. “But now, I have to take care of my lands and this annoys me a lot…”

“Yes… On the last battle, the Boar didn’t like your father’s way to act and your mother talked with him…”

Did she tell the truth, Sylvain wondered. Perhaps? He didn’t know what to do with this information. He was so grateful for Dimitri but on the same time…

“And my father is dead, wondering somewhere, aghast in front of the King… so you and I we have to take care of our grounds. I don’t like that.” Sylvain could hear a sigh. “Perhaps…”

“Perhaps what?”

Felix shook his head, seeming annoyed.

“Shut up!”

“Excuse me?!” Sylvain hiccupped. “Woaw! I was so nice and all!! I hadn’t offered you to _sleep with me_ , winky face, winky face! And this?!”

“I wasn’t talking to you!” Felix flustered.

“You say ‘shut up’ to Glenn? Bad baby brother,” Sylvain smirked.

“I said ‘shut up’ to Miklan.”

“Oh… Yeah, shut up, Miklan!”

“Remember when we were children?”

Sylvain lost his cocky-joking tone and he watched Felix. His heart pinched. And beat so fast again…

“Yes. But what part?”

“We promised we will be together until the very end.”

“Yes,” Sylvain said. “It still engraved in my heart. I am here today because of this promise.”

“Sylvain. I don’t want you to find a wife.”

Sylvain looked Felix with surprise.

It was something…

He nodded.

“Okay. Everything you want.”

“Everything I want?”

“Yup. Everything.”

Felix frowned and Sylvain got the impression he was ready to see until where he could go before making him yield and said he was changing his mind.

“I would like us to merge our grounds. And rules them together.”

‘Like a wedding?’ Sylvain wanted to smile. But he said nothing.

“Sure,” he replied instead.

“And…”

Sylvain looked at Felix.

“Can you kiss me?”

Sylvain’s heart skipped a beat. He leaned in and pressed a kiss on his forehead.

“I meant…” Felix said. “On the lips?”

The young Margrave couldn’t believe it.

“You’re sure?” Sylvain asked. “You’re not doing that just… to please me?”

“Yes. I want to try. I want to try… to be with you. I just… miss you when you’re not here and when I look at you… Perhaps I’m mistaking myself and we’re just friends. But I’m willing to try.”

“We can,” Sylvain said, caressing his cheek. “I dreamed to do that since so longtime,” he whispered, making him roll in the bed.

His body covered his.

Sylvain couldn’t help being excited. He took his time. For him, for Felix.

He kissed him softly and this was what he expected since so long. The softness of his lips, the strength of his body against him.

He loved him so much.

And finally.

Finally, he could embrace him as a lover.


End file.
